Womenspiring Wednesdays…

Be The Change You Want To See !

Shivani Khetan


Shivani Khetan is the MD of People Solutions, a firm offering training and development (soft skills). She’s also a life coach and an NLP Master Practitioner. She started ExpressO—getting people to have conversations over a cup of coffee. A group of 25-30 people come together to share their life experiences over a pre-decided topic. The event is held at Gloria Jeans, Juhu on the 1st Friday of every month from 6.30 to 8.30 pm. You can add yourself to the group called “ExpressO” on Facebook or contact Shivani at shivanikhetan73@gmail.com

“Don’t let the past steal your present.” Terri Guillemets. I have a confession to make.

From the year 2008 to 2011, I wrote a lot about pain and heartbreak, inspired primarily by a painful and heart–shattering divorce. Divorce had taken me to the depths of my sanity, led me to question my very being and forced me to confront my deepest suffering. Without question, this life event had held me back, paralysed my life and kept me down. It was a subject I wrote about often, talked about often and thought about, even dreamt about, often. I experienced struggle, heartbreak, loneliness, failure and loss. But you know what was worse than experiencing any of these events once in my life? Painfully replaying each of these moments over and over again in my mind.

Now when I look back with a little more clarity, I can see how I replaced a person (my former spouse) with pain. How I had made heartbreak and sorrow my companions. I allowed my agonising thoughts to dominate my life as I embarked upon a steep path of growth and revitalisation in my life.

Through a chance conversation with a childhood friend, I was introduced to an author and a book that touched my life – The Power of Now, by the soft-spoken spiritual teacher, Eckhart Tolle. Tolle’s message of living in the present moment packed a punch of clarity, wisdom and absolute truth.

I took 6 practical steps as suggested by Tolle. If you simply implement one of the strategies below and shift your mindset, I promise you that your life will change forever

1) I stopped thinking.
I stopped my thoughts from replaying in my mind like my favorite iTunes track. I became more aware of the negative… When I stopped thinking I was no longer energizing the mind to identify with it. I felt it was the beginning of the end of involuntary and compulsive thinking.

2) I became alert in the present moment.
I asked myself, “Am I in the present moment?” in whatever it is that I am doing. “Am I focusing on the task at hand?” “Am I here or are my thoughts floating in la la land?”
(I followed this example by Tolle – “Every time you walk up and down the stairs in your house or place of work, pay close attention to every step, every moment, even your breathing. Be totally present.”) I became present to every moment by paying as much attention as possible to that moment. I gave normal and everyday activities full and utmost attention.

3) I became aware of the pain-body within me.
Tolle defines the pain-body as lingering emotional pain. He notes that some of us live entirely through our pain-body, whereas in others, the pain-body maybe asleep 90% of the time. For example, I used to be preoccupied with the pain of breaking up about 90% of the time. My pain-body became ever more important in my life because it gave me a troubling new sense of self.  “I’m the person who suffered loss.” “I’m heart-broken.” “I’m that person who failed financially.” After marinating in this identity, I got swept over by a wave of pain, sadness and sorrow, and it supplied me with my identity. My ego identified with this pain-body and my pain became myself-image. “Once this pain-body had taken over me, I wanted more pain. I became a victim or a perpetrator. So, how did I dissolve this pain-body? Tolle’s words hit me hard: “Focus attention on the feeling inside you. Know that it is the pain-body. Accept that it is there. Don’t think about it…don’t judge or analyze. Don’t make yourself an identity out of it.” “Stay present and continue to be the observer of what is happening inside you…This is the power of the Now, the power of your own conscious presence”

4) I became aware of the difference between my “life” and “life situation.”
Tolle makes a distinction between your life and your life’s circumstances or situations. He refers to life situations as “psychological time.” I realised that whatever happened in my life situation, happened in the past, and could happen sometime in the future but both these places aren’t the present moment. I used my senses fully, looked around and didn’t interpret anymore.

I accepted the present moment, I couldn’t change what had happened nor could I change what is coming my way: past and future! All it took was a simple choice, a simple decision, no matter what happens, I will create no more pain for myself, no more problems for myself. By adapting this philosophy I started living, my life transformed and I was no longer crushed by the weight of the past or the future.

5) I dropped negativity like a piece of hot coal.
“How do you drop a piece of hot coal that you are holding in your hand? How do you drop some heavy useless baggage that you are carrying? By recognising that you don’t want to suffer in pain or carry the burden anymore and then letting go of it.” I was a chock-full of negativity in my life because I refused to accept something like this that happened. I had a choice to be entrenched in my past or to live for the moment that I had right in front of me.
I went with Tolle’s suggestion of choosing the current moment and accepting what is, choosing to let go of the heavy baggage and drop the hot coals by consciously choosing to let go of the pain of the past. By doing so I found an ever present peace of mind in the present moment.

6) I let go of the future.
In my future, there is happiness, bliss, abundance and eternal joy… I can find peace, happiness and fulfillment but I choose to scratch this futuristic thinking and have it all at this very moment! I didn’t need to go anywhere to find this joyful state of being. “You ‘get’ there by realising you are there already,” is one of the most powerful quotes in The Power Of Now.










Source:http://femina.in/women/women-like-you/heal-yourself-postdivorce-2794.html[/embed]. Aproval to publish post by Ms Shivani Khetan.




4 thoughts on “Shivani Khetan

  1. I love reading inspirational books, stories, articles… And am also reading The Power of Now at present… It is an amazing book & it is motivating to see how you are applying it in your life 🙂 Good Luck to you in all your endeavours!

  2. A challenging journey for sure!.. Loved to read your story of success.

  3. A challenging journey for sure!.. Loved reading your story of success.

  4. you are a very determined and brave person Shivani and you must share your ‘breaking away’ from melancholy& solitude with as many people, who will draw a lot of inspiration from you!! The steps shared by you as ‘guidance’ is really appreciated!!

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